depression

lotsa things are pullin' me down...

one
i have this feeling that many things have changed... even myself. i used to be always on the go, never missing any happening or event. but now, since i'm busy with arki, i always stay in the college instead of hang-out with some of my friends whom i really had great bonds before. man, i really miss all of them. and to make it worse, i think the gap between me and them is continuously widening... or i think i'm just too pessimistic about it. there are things i do not want to do, but i still keep on doing. well, i cannot blame myself completely. situations around me just really make me irrational. maski ako, sobrang nanibago sa sarili ko.

two
it's really hard to survive academics in up. i have seven subjects this sem, and all of them are really serious ones. statics of rigid bodies, construction, design, building laws, arki history, surveying, urban planning... ugh. with many subjects comes many requirements. and actually, i have lotsa things to do already. and i haven't done much yet.

three
sometimes i feel like giving up studying because of certain reasons. how i wish i could finish my studies here. till now, i really don't have an idea when our family's gonna leave for the us. what if we leave at august or september? my efforts in school for june and july will just be useless. like, man, i can't even lay my plans for the next few months because i don't know if i'll still be here in that times. and when i leave, i dunno when i'll be back again.

four
it's really depressing to know that one of my acquaintances, whom i already consider a friend, is under comatose right now. for the first few minutes upon knowing it, i kept on askin' myself if it's really true. well, it is. my friend told me not to tell anyone yet, so the sadness is trapped in me till now. all i could do now is pray for my good friend...

i think i have to sleep now... but i'm sure, when i wake up, all of these will still run in my mind.

haay... i need someone to talk to.