busy home

i guess this has been one of the busiest days here in our home this so-called "moving-out season". my mom, dad and i stayed here the whole day to clean, fix stuff, and dispose several items. many people went in, and took away our garden sala set, steel rack, my remote-controlled wall fan, a set of gott coolers, some clothes, kitchen tools, and the list goes on.

and now, i'm blogging right here in the terrace. i'm done deleting and moving out my files in this pc, and i think i'm ready to send this away from me too. it deserves a good body cleaning, and i gave it.

ang lamig dito.

so, this may be my last post with my good old pc. to you, though i know you don't understand anything i say, i just wanna thank you for keeping me company, especially in times when i needed to cram take-home exams and papers, when i wanted to surf the net and chat with friends 24/7, and simply when i have nothing else to do but let time pass by with you.

adios.

anti-depressant needed

sa totoo lang, lalo na akong nade-depress.

my arki friends and i had our sort of despedida/get-together last friday evening till saturday afternoon, eastwood condo. all of my close friends were there, except for kay. the first people to arrive were drea, gaux, jiddu and jax, followed by jik and meg, then loz, pat, nins and joey, and lastly, ria. we ate, drank and sang with the videoke all-night long till 5:30 in the morning.

we really had fun and enjoyed it, but as expected, i had my emotional moment. when i got drunk and was talking to drea, i released all my thoughts and frustrations, and started to cry. i can't remember everything i've said though, except for a few details that i won't ever forget. i remembered myself talking to drea, lozzie and schidz.

to them, a lot of thanks for comforting me. sobra.

when it was time for us to go home, i suddenly became speechless. quiet. tulala. walang masabi. i'm pretty sure they've noticed my change of mood. patrick even tried to comfort me. thanks dude.

all of them hugged me so tight when we said our goodbyes. i couldn't react. tulala ulit. halos di ako nakapagsalita. naramdaman na rin nila yun. siguro.

nakaka-depress. there were still many happenings and thoughts that ran through my head that past two days, but i guess i’ll just keep them to myself now. some are happy, yet some are not.

when i got home, ryan and rika kept me company till 8 in the evening. too bad dino wasn't able to come, yet he texted me yesterday, and i just read his ym messages just now. again, lalo akong na-depress, but at the same time happy, coz we had contact again. dinsky, thanks a lot.

and finally, i just moved some of my stuff to my grandparents' house a while ago, including my drafting table, cd rack and my sister's desktop computer. do i still need to say how it felt?

ang lapit na...

guys, sorry for a very sad blog this past few weeks. promise, i'll try to lighten up the mood here as soon as possible.

cold night

darn this weather... i'm blaming it for my very sick situation right now: headache, coughs, colds, and fever. ugh. i'm wearing my jacket, plus the winter garments we bought last sunday (haha, too early preparation, eh?). it's really cold here in my room. better close the door and windows, and put two blankets on my bed.

i hope this doesn't get worse when i wake up. i really should get better soon, coz i still have lots of things to do... and i have less than three weeks left before we leave the country.

and, yes, our flight's postponed to february 5.

i'm cleaning my computer now -- erasing/moving out all of my precious files. my mom's gonna sell this to her friend. i don't know how much though. well, it doesn't matter to me anymore. i've been using these for years already. i just hope i get my share. hahaha.

ghost?!

havin' a chat with vhan on ym... i told her what happened a while ago (the pseudo-sadako incident), and suddenly, i had the creeps.

sweet_innocent_meeh: syet jas
jas: takte
sweet_innocent_meeh: baka multo yun
jas: grbe kinilabutan talaga ako
jas: onga eh
sweet_innocent_meeh: hala!
jas: lumingon ako agad
sweet_innocent_meeh: baka multo yun
jas: pero di ko na napansin kasi madilim
sweet_innocent_meeh: hala!
jas: tangna
sweet_innocent_meeh: hala!
sweet_innocent_meeh: hala!
sweet_innocent_meeh: syet
jas: pero di siguro multo yun, nakita rin ni mama eh
sweet_innocent_meeh: nakakatkot un
sweet_innocent_meeh: grabe
jas: pde ba yun, dalawa kme nakakita?
sweet_innocent_meeh: oo naman
sweet_innocent_meeh: ahh ksama mo mama mo
sweet_innocent_meeh: kla ko ikaw lng
jas: syet kinikilabutan ako!
sweet_innocent_meeh: mas kakatkot un
sweet_innocent_meeh: waaaaahh
sweet_innocent_meeh: scary naman
sweet_innocent_meeh: grabe un a
sweet_innocent_meeh: haha
sweet_innocent_meeh: scariest experience ever

oo nga 'no. di ko agad naisip. baka nga multo 'yun! takte!

halu-halo

mixed thoughts with mixed emotions. here goes.

*click*

past 11 last night, my mom and i went to a 24-hour drugstore named mercury drug. while we were on our way, a woman suddenly appeared from nowhere. what freaked me out was that she was looking at me with a blank expression on her face (probably drunk), and she was walking towards our moving car! parang si sadako, nakakabigla't nakakatakot! if it wasn't for my mom's screaming, i could've hit and killed her right on the spot.

and that's my last moment with my car. it's sold now, and it'll be taken away from me in less than 24 hours, i think. too much for last time.

*click*

i already got something from sir joven, my arch 2 professor when i was on first year. hehehe... he told me not to tell anyone about it, but i'm here telling it now. hahaha. :p okay, okay, at least i'm not gonna tell y'all what it is. thanks sir!

*click*

kung gaano ko kaayaw umalis noon, ganun ko naman kagustong umalis ngayon. marami kasing gumugulo sa isipan ko ngayon na nais ko nang palipasin. at tingin ko, mas madali nang lilipas ang mga 'yon pag nalayo na ako rito.

sana nga, mapalipas ko lahat doon. pag hindi pa rin, ewan ko na.

pero hindi rin eh. ayoko talaga umalis.

anlabo.

hmm...

can't believe i'm ym-ing with lotsa friends now. we arki people have a conference going on (yes, it's back, but with new people now), and i'm also chatting with joey (upis batchmate) and dino (up barkada). even patrick's now in the ym league. hehehe.

i just realized that i really miss them already. what more when i leave? oh well. don't wanna think about it yet.

anyway, i spent the last whole day cleaning up the basement. all of my old stuff since elementary are still there, until i decided to throw almost all of them out. grabe, nakakasenti talaga magligpit. bawat papel na mahawakan ko (lalo na yung mga may scribbles), talagang inaalala ko.

okay, gonna make some peanut butter sandwiches. it's already past midnight, and i'm still hungry.

surprised

man, am i too early for later. hahaha.

i went to school for the past two days to visit my friends and finish some org business. and yesterday, jik woke me up early so that i'd sit-in in sir ignacio's arch 55 class. they did some reportings, and jik's group made a powerpoint presentation with lots of batangas getaway pictures! i even had my solo there. haha... so that's why jik asked me to sit-in! demmit. hahaha. :p

dismissal time came and they were not yet finished with their report. sir ignacio asked them to just continue next meeting. jik gave me the cd with the powerpoint in it, and told me to check its last three pages. third to the last is the "the end" page, second to the last is the batangas season 3 ad page, and the last of them all is this:

aww man. they really surprised me with that. sobrang natuwa ako. seryoso. jik, salamat talaga. napaluha mo ako ngayon ah! asaaaaarrrr!!! yahahaha. :) thanks bro! at kung meron pang ibang kasali sa planong ito (lazi?!), salamat din!

and then ('kala niyo tapos na no?), sir ignacio told me to come back to school on friday. he's gonna give me something... hmm. i wonder what it is. one of his paintings that i could hang on the wall of our new house? hahaha. i wish!

anyway, i watched kung-fu hustle with jik, meg, loz, pat, jid and gaux. the movie's great and i enjoyed every part of it, especially the very funny scenes like the "roadrunner chase".

but you know what, after watching it... i dunno. something just hit me. what it is, i don't wanna think about anymore. that's a different story.

too late

argh... i tried to wake up early to have more time to get online, but now i'm rushing coz i have to go to school and fix some unfinished business! oh well. i'll just post again when i get back later.

coca-cola ad

have you seen the latest tv ad of coca-cola? the one with a girl who's singing and giving coke to people? well, it's my favorite ad now. i really love her voice, plus her captivating looks... hahaha. complete package. i hope i meet someone like her someday. :p here's the lyrics.

sana'y masabi sa awit kong ito
lahat ng ninanais nitong puso ko
sana saan man patungo sa buhay
may pag-ibig, may pag-asa, may saya at saysay
sana sa bawat sandali'y matikman pa
sarap ng pagsasama at simpleng ligaya
tara na, sakyan lang, malay mo...
and'yan lang, and'yan lang
ang hinahanap mo

attempts

simply combine 1 cup (240 ml) water with one pouch pilsbury one-step hotcake mix (250 g). no need to add eggs or oil in the batter. it's that easy!

or is it?

after talking to rika on the phone, i decided to prepare something to eat for me and my mom. and i just remembered, i still have one box of pilsbury one-step hotcake mix which i bought a few months ago. and since it's expiring on march, i opened it and cooked some.

i took one pouch of the mix, and have read on the box that it makes 9-10 hotcakes. i only put half of it on the bowl, just to make around 5. and then i added a half-cup of milk, and started mixing. i pre-heated the skillet and started to put the batter on it. and here goes my attempts.

first attempt: since the skillet was so hot and i didn't even put oil on it, the batter i put quickly turned dark brown. hahaha. palpak. but the hotcakes still tasted good anyway, though they looked toasted on the outside.

second attempt: i greased the skillet now, so the hotcakes didn't stick that much compared to what happened to the previous. they're much better. i just needed to work on my timing.

last attempt: i emptied the bowl and made the last batch. and i can say, with what i've learned from my previous attempts, this time i was successful. the hotcakes looked like what i wanted them to look like. hahahaha.

i realized that we need to work hard to get what we want. as the old line says, try and try until you succeed. and in this case, i did. but on my attempts to stay happy and not feel miserable for the next few weeks... will i?

puro akala

akala ko, tanggap ko nang malapit na akong umalis sa lugar na ito at tuluyang malalayo sa lahat ng naririto sa aking paligid. akala ko, buong-loob ko nang haharapin ang panibago kong buhay sa ibang lupalop na kung tawagin ng iba ay ang kanilang minimithing paraiso. at akala ko, walang pag-aalinlangan ko nang susubukang buuin ang aking mga pangarap sa isang lugar na kahit isang beses ay di ko pa napupuntahan.

hindi pala.

kanina, sa aking paglilinis ng kuwarto, isa-isa ko nang niligpit ang aking mga gamit. inayos at itinabi ko na ang mga bagay na kakailanganin ko pa, at itinapon ko naman ang mga bagay na "wala nang pakinabang" sa aking magiging buhay sa ilang linggong lilipas. napakahirap magtapon... lahat halos ng mga "basura" ko ay sapilitan ko lamang ipinasok sa basurahan, para man lang mabawasan ang mga ito.

inuna kong ligpitin ang aking drafting table. sa pagtanggal ko ng bawat turnilyo nito, unit-unting nagbalik sa akin ang mga alaala ng nakaraan: mga panahong nakaupo ako sa harap ng mesang ito, ilalapat ang papel at lalagyan ng tape, bubuksan ang ilaw na nasa ilalim ang switch, at saka namang sisimulan ang kalbaryo ng pagguhit hanggang sa madaling araw. naalala ko rin ang mga panahong napapatunganga ako sa harapan nito dahil di ko na alam ang aking gagawin, o kaya nama'y talagang inaantok na ako. sa mesa ring ito ko nararamdaman ang lubos na galak tuwing natatapos ko na ang aking mga gawa, tatanggalin na ang mga tape, at irorolyo sa tube ang aking mga papel.

sinunod ko naman ang aking set ng techpen. binuksan ko sila isa-isa at nilinis mabuti, pinilit na mawala ang kahit anong bahid ng tintang nandoon. kaya tuloy, inabot ako ng halos isang oras sa paglilinis ng mga ito. at kadikit ng paggawa nito, siyempre, dumarami lalo ang naiisip ko. marami na rin akong naging alaala kasama ng mga ito. kasama sila sa mga naging karamay ko sa aking pagpupuyat noon, kahit na sila pa man din ang dahilan kung bakit sumasakit ang aking mga kamay kakagamit sa kanila.

dalawa lang yan sa mga nakapagpaalala sa akin ng naging buhay ko sa arki. dalawa't kalahating taon ko ring pinagdaanan ang buhay na iyon. at sana, makabalik ako agad dito sa pilipinas upang ipagpatuloy ang aking nasimulan, at tapusin ito ng maayos at matagumpay.

at hindi lang arki ang aking napag-nilay-nilayan... inayos ko rin ang pagkarami-rami naming litrato nung nasa hayskul pa ako. sa bawat litratong hinahawakan ko, naalala ko ang mga naging kaibigan, kaaway, kabarkada, at kung sinu-sino pang naging bahagi ng buhay ko nun. tatlong taon na rin ang nakalilipas nang nagkahiwa-hiwalay kami, at hanggang ngayo'y marami pa rin sa kanila ang di ko pa ulit nakikita. nakalulungkot ding isipin, ang mga naging kaibigan ko noo'y di ko na halos nakakausap man lang ngayon.

akala ko tanggap ko na ang mga magaganap. pero hindi. natatakot na ako ulit. sobrang kaba at pagtanggi ang aking nararamdaman. nagbabalik ang aking naramdaman nung araw na nalaman ko ang pag-alis namin. parang di ko maisip na sa estados unidos na ako maninirahan at mamumuhay. nakalulungkot isiping malalayo ako sa bansang aking pinanggalingan. parang gusto kong umiyak pero pinipigilan ko rin ang aking sarili. pasalamat na lang ako't nakukuha ko namang tumawa ngayon kahit papaano. mahirap na. baka mawala na naman ako sa sarili ko pag masyado ko na namang inisip yun. at buti, madali kong nalalapitan ang aking mga kaibigan sa ganitong pagkakataon. kilala niyo na kung sino kayo.

at yun, dahil sa kapaguran at bigat ng aking mga naisip, tinigil ko muna ang aking pag-aayos ng kuwarto. sa susunod na ulit. hahayaan ko munang nakakalat sa sahig ang napakarami kong gamit. pagmamasdan ko muna silang lahat habang may panahon pa. ngunit sigurado akong maya-maya ri'y mapipilitan na naman akong magligpit ng mga ito't magtapon ng aking mga "basura" sa basurahan.

new year blasts

happy new year! well obviously, this is my first post for 2005. and let's start with what i've been up to this new year's celebration.

we welcomed the year with a different twist. instead of staying at lanzones and enjoy the lighting of firecrackers in our community, we went to eastwood city to watch the big fireworks display. it was so spectacular, but i think i liked the riverbanks display better than eastwood's.





my driving experience during new year's eve was so frightening that i kept on turning my head to see if a firecracker's gonna explode. imagine, we were still on the road, and it's almost 11 in the evening with lots of stuff exploding and sparking here and there. oh well. and after we've seen the display and decided to go home, we had to stay for a while in our condo coz the roads were full of smoke.

my new year didn't begin with just that. aside from firecrackers, a small fight between me and my mom exploded too. just the usual arguments and this and that, but heck, it was around the fourth hour of this whole year (yes, around 4 am of the first day of january), too early. does that mean a bad start for the two of us? i hope not.

later that day, our family went to pangasinan to visit our relatives. it's been months since i last met them. we had a sort of new year dinner party in mangaldan (dad's side btw), and people started to sing with our newly-bought magic sing videoke microphone (haha, if you guys want to sing, tell me!). my ate asked me to go with them to dagupan, where we saw the bridge full of lights (they took some pictures there) and drank some coffee afterwards.

the second day of january, still in pangasinan, went to san fabian to visit more of our relatives (mom's side now). they live near the seashore now, so my ate and i couldn't stop taking pictures of ourselves. and of course, i didn't miss the sunset. haha. we went back to manila later that day, during night. got home almost 12 midnight already.

so, that was my new year celebration. probably my last new year here in the philippines... for now. haay. i hope i'm gonna be able to celebrate it here again in the next january ones to come.

tsk, senti.