525,600 minutes of 2005

we're all down to the last day of the year 2005, and in a few hours, everywhere's gonna be filled with the bright lights and crackling noise of the firecrackers, as we welcome the new year ahead of us.

like what television show people and my fellow bloggers do, ending 2005 would not be complete without wrapping up everything to a year-ender thing.

so here goes...

well, 2005 for me started with a blur. i was lost, and i didn't know what to do. i felt like my head's spinning weeks before we left the country to live the so-called american dream. the whole family was busy packing all of our stuff, and at the same time i was scrambling to do things that i wanted to do before the day comes.

i was sinking in depression then. it was very hard for me to leave everything and everyone here, thinking that all of them were about to get out of my sight all at the same time. it was like i had to ready myself to fall in a black hole, and that i was gonna be empty.

but when we came to jersey and settled, and days, weeks and months progressed, i finally had the hold of it. i've realized how living the american dream is like. it's hard, but fun sometimes. it was my first time to see snow falling during winter and flowers blooming during spring, and deer and squirrels running at the backyard!

since i wasn't interested then in going to college there, i kept myself busy working at the cinemas, earning $6.50 per hour. it wasn't bad actually, coz i was starting to raise my own money. more, i also found there my first few friends. among them is mike, the chinese guy who's like my best friend there.

though we still have our fights and quarrels, all of us in the family undeniably got close with each other, since there were not much people around yet to spend time with. we went to places together, from new jersey to new york. i also traveled on my own to florida to visit my aunt and her family.

and then there was another twist. i was unexpectedly able to get back here just before summer break ended. alone. it wasn't just a big surprise for everyone but also for myself; it was so unbelievable. right when i set foot on the ground, it made me say "it really feels good to be home".

it was kinda strange for me to see again jeepneys, peso bills, jollibee food and whatever stuff. i was 14 pounds heavier, was talking in english with an accent, and started living here at my grandparents' place. again, it was adjustment time for me.

and so i went back to UP arki. i tried to put my life back on track, to where it was before i left, but it seemed like there was nothing i can do to make it happen. like my friend told me then, things that've changed could never go back to the way they used to be.

hence i lived a somewhat new life, my environment changed a bit, as there were more new people around me. aside from getting along with my new batchmates (coz i was already one year delayed), i've created new and great friendships with people like edpat, rap, and of course, xanji, who eventually became my girlfriend (love actually sucked during the first parts of the year, till i finally met her! ;p).

as for my old friends, the wind seemed to blow in different directions. i didn't get to hang-out much with my former arki batchmates anymore -- it's really weird to see them almost everyday, but we rarely talk to each other. my arkikada's still with me though -- lozzie, patrick, nins, meg, jik, kay and ria (but i really got close with the first three this year!). in arki forum, where i was appointed on the spot as the secretary, i got closer with anj, noel, leni and more. and there are jr, jika, jb, saku and agnes, all from the 03 batch whom i've made stronger bonds with.

i've spent more time with my arki friends than ever. the arkikada went to lozzie's place at batangas for the fourth time already, and last november, some members of arki forum, including me, went to puerto galera (it was my first time to see mindoro and i haven't been to visayas or mindanao yet!). the trips were fun, and everyone had a great time.

on the other hand, my close friends outside arki are still there, like rika and dino, though i don't get to talk much to some of them like before. actually, i still have lots of friends whom i haven't seen yet since i got back, mostly from my high school batch.

as for my academics, i can say i've done pretty good compared to the past years. i'm aiming for better grades this term, coz i'm doing this not only for myself, but also for my family.

and speaking of family, this is where i had some sort of negatives for this year. since i got back here, i wasn't able to talk much to them, like just once or twice a month. we chat on ym, but of course, talking to them on the phone matters. as a result, they felt like i wasn't making any effort to contact them or whatever. honestly, i'm not on the mood sometimes to talk to them, coz it'd make me miss them more.

living here at the zabala's place with only my grandparents, aunt and cousin is kinda strange. it's my first time to be away from my whole family, which actually sucks, but at least i'm not alone here. we celebrated holidays with just the five us, unlike before, when we were still nine. it was a bit sad, but it's temporary. time will come that we would all be back together again -- probably in the US.

so there. it was extraordinarily a tough and rough year for me, as i've taken the biggest twists and turns (so far) of my life. it was overwhelming indeed, and at the same time, i've learned a lot of important lessons.

it really is hard to stop being a dramatic person that i am, when almost all major things that've happened for the whole year were filled with telenovelaic stuff that seem like i just couldn't have enough of. i'm just lucky to have those fun and nice moments to balance things out.

and yeah, i'm back to my countdown clock ticking, like what i've done a year ago when we were about to migrate to jersey. i'm leaving again on april, and i'll be coming back God-knows-when. there are lots of uncertainty in my book, and one of them's gonna happen again.

if ever i don't make it back here on june, i'd still be glad and thankful to God that He has given me the chance to open a new chapter of my life here, and that i've had so many experiences, good and bad, that have molded me to the person that i am now.

thanks to everybody who've made 2005 a very meaningful year to me, despite it being one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride. to my family, friends and former co-workers in the US, down to my relatives, xanji, and lots and lots of friends here in the philippines, thank you.

i wouldn't be jas without you all.





hahaha... dramatic post, eh? ;p

to a happy and thrilling 2006. cheers!!! :)

Christmas blues

Christmas.

it's surprisingly colder now than the past few days, that i've been hugging a pillow and covering myself with a blanket just to keep me warm. heehee. i can feel more now the Christmas spirit that i've been trying to put into my system.

we started the celebration with a Christmas mass. unfortunately, lolo and lola didn't go with us due to some reason (lolo got cranky and lola got pissed off... talk about grandparent quarrels), so there were only three of us (my aunt, raffy and i) who went. and before the mass started:

me: tita, ang weird. (referring to having only 3 of us for Christmas mass)
aunt led: eh, ganun talaga. di ko na nga lang masyadong iniisip. temporary lang naman 'to eh.
me: sa bagay...

for the past years, the molinas and zabalas used to attend Christmas mass together. but now, since my whole family and uncle boy are in the US now, we're down to only five.

when noche buena came, we had our yearly family picture-taking by the dining table and Christmas tree. it was then another case of that weird feeling, coz, you know.

less people, less food... obviously less happiness this time. noche buena ended sooner than i expected. lolo and lola went straight to bed after eating, my aunt followed right after cleaning stuff, and raffy slept after watching TV.

and i'm still awake. alone. i feel kinda lonely coz my family's not around to celebrate with me, but i actually shouldn't. i still have my relatives, friends and xanji to keep me company here in manila.

alright, gotta sleep. still have to wake up early for another mass, this time with my grandparents. tsk, hindi pa kasi sumama kanina eh! hehe. ;p

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!!! :)

can't think of a title

this is it. less than 24 hours left, and it's Christmas. we just actually got home from another dinner party, this time with my aunt's relatives in marikina. we had lots of food to eat and stories to share, that we didn't notice time fly, hence us getting home late.

everytime there's a party, the drinks served would probably be soda. and, i've stopped drinking those since last month, coz i wanna prevent unhealthy stuff from getting into my system. i so miss coke and sprite though, that i was about to give up already that time and get a glass or two, but finally still diverted my attention to just cold water. haha. the longer i'm not drinking stuff like that, the more it gets so tempting. gaah. even saw mcdonald's on the way home and suddenly reminded me of my favorite coke float. God, i think i've already forgotten how soda tastes like.

***

it's happening again, i think. oh man. this feeling sucks. what if it really does repeat itself? it happened last semestral break, and is it back again now that it's Christmas break? how about summer?

i need to calm myself. relax, jas.

***

after checking my blog a while ago, i thought of browsing my last year december archives. it was the time that i finally posted here after taking a long blog hiatus (which took months), and i was very depressed then because i was gonna leave for jersey (i left the philippines february 5). january was worse, where all my posts were full of... well, sadness.

lucky for me now, it's not all drama anymore. i'm gonna enjoy my january 2006, unless something depressing comes my way again. but actually, to begin with, 2006 will be reminding me that i'm gonna have to leave again on april... which is fast approaching.

that's another sucky feeling that's gonna get me again.

almost Christmas

it's already the 23rd... a couple of days and it's Christmas already. i just finished talkin' to my mom and sis on ym a few minutes ago, and it made me realize more that they won't be here with us to celebrate this season. of course the feeling sucks, but we have nothing to do. even tita here feels weird coz we'll be preparing less for noche buena coz there's only five of us here in the house.

makes me wonder what'll happen when the clock hits 12 midnight on the 25th. for the past years, we've been celebrating here in this house with all the food on the table, all the gift opening, dancing to music and stuff. but now, it seems like it's really gonna be different.

anyway...

i've been going out of the house for the past few days, doing all those Christmas-related work. it's weird though that i'm not feeling the whole Christmas spirit now, probably because of the family-being-away thing. i hope it gets into my system by the 24th.

and the week that was (i haven't done this for a long time already):

12/14 - UP arki forum's bigay kaya. it's an outreach program we hold every december, where we invite kids from around the campus to a party with food, games and more. for this year, the event was held at building 1 of our college, where we had clowns, puppet-making, games, a dance number (PBB style! hehe!), free food, and gift giving. it was a worthwhile experience for all of us coz we've helped several kids and made them happy. :)

12/15 - the yearly lantern parade. Arki won first place on the lantern and booth categories, and placed second on the belen! woohoo!!! to think it was our batch that made them all. i was on the booth group btw. haha. then we had arki party during the evening, which was actually bitin yet still fun. stayed outside arki with the arkikada where we had a short bonding session, then went to SBC with jik and meg, met up with rika, maiks, ryan, cam and their orgmates, then went home...

on the way home, around 3 in the morning, the right front tire of the FX i was driving exploded. i probably ran over a rock or something. man, i was so scared that time, i didn't know what to do. i lost control of the car, but good that i was able to stop right away. i was shocked till i got home, that i tried calling people just to have someone to talk to, and finally got hold of jik. then i went straight to bed without even changing clothes.

12/16 - was supposed to meet up with xanji, but i decided to stay home. still shocked, i slept whole day till past 4 in the afternoon, skipping breakfast and lunch. went out on evening though with my tita and raffy.

12/17 - finally met up and spent the whole day with xanji, saw the fog and walked around the mall. was able to get a gift for her right there, and funny that i bought it with her beside me. hahaha. it was a very fun and happy day for us. sad though that we're not gonna see each other till classes start again...

12/18 - got a call from edpat and suddenly invited rap and i over at their place. of course both of us didn't want to miss it, so we immediately went there and had our mini get-together with edpat and his relatives. heehee. plus the food? yum.

12/19 - arkaira caroling practice. then party at anj's place during the evening! it was a laugh trip night, with the crazy stuff all of us did! i won't go into details now, but all i can say is i think all of us have done things we haven't done before! hahaha!

12/20 - went home from anj's place around 8 in the morning. with only two hours of sleep, i was asked by my tita to drive by 9:30. drove to sta. lucia cainta, then marikina, then finally cubao. went home to prepare for arkaira caroling, and went to school. after practicing, the whole gang went to sir joven's place (with sir alex there also) and sang whole night. even had PBB for finale! hahahaha! it was a fun fun night!

then my other friends and i were supposed to have a session, but only three of us were there, hence the decision to postpone, and just went straight home.

(two days to go... oooohhh my hands are tired already. haha!)

12/21 - went to pauline's place for the UPIS 2002 Christmas party around 4 in the afternoon, but i had to leave around 5:30 for another arkaira caroling. we went to dean luis' place, did the caroling, had our stomachs stuffed with good food (Christmas fats as edpat puts it, heehee) and left. went straight back to pauline's around 9 in the evening, and lucky me, they were still there. we had our mind games and catching up stuff, and of course the picture-taking (which we've noticed, we're not that addicted to cameras anymore like before!). seeing all of them made me miss them more... and it was another happy night for all of us.

12/22 - spent the whole day home, till my cousin and i decided to see chicken little at gateway. very new film, eh? not. haha.

there. finally. i'm done. hahaha. bottom line, i've been going home in the evening (or morning, haha!) for the past whole week. and later, we're gonna have dinner at my aunt's place. so, that's another night for me. hahaha.

need... to draft... construction... ack.

till next post.

happy birthday jiddu! 22! haha!
happy holidays everyone! :)

and the highest mark...

i'm actually not planning to update my blog now, but i took a quiz i got from gauxie's blog and after checking the results...

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	High
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

WHAT?! hahaha! i'll just give the analyzing part to all yah. ;p

more updates when i get back. of course i would tell y'all about how i almost died (i think) when i was driving the other night... later.

random

i was actually going to sleep already, but i suddenly had the urge to open my laptop and connect to the net. i dunno why everytime the clock hits 12 midnight, my automatic action is to always do this. haha.

anyway, i just remembered, it's been a year already since my old phone got stolen, and i had that big slash on my pants. now i wonder where it could be... or if it's still functional and somebody else's simcard's in it. haha. whoever that person is, curse him or her. i'm so baaaad.

and next week's the last week of classes for 2005. Christmas is fast approaching, and i haven't even thought of what to give people yet. worse, like any other person's problem, i don't have money. cash. pesos. grr. it's really hard to get this nowadays.

oh well. let's see what i can do for this weekend. but i still have some plates due next week, so i dunno.


***


our friend and orgmate par already passed away last december 7... and that day was also his birthday.

par, wherever you are, you'll always be remembered by all of us... you'll be in our prayers.

my friday

i guess i was wrong. i'm back on this blog not even after 24 hours!

this day was spent doing so many things, that i came home very exhausted and now have the urge to just lie on the bed and sleep the whole night off... but the problem's that i still have to do my construction plate which i haven't started doing yet (not even the layout).

i actually have done two major things today. first was to go to SM megamall for a case study with saku, jb, ron and jika (yeah, our design plate now is creating a mall). we got there around 3 in the afternoon already, that we had to rush coz jika and i still have to do some singing in arki...

which is the second one. yup, Arkaira Acoustikaboomers was a success. many of us members and other students performed songs of different genres. it was tiring yet fun... everyone was singing and dancing all night, till it ended around past 8 in the evening.

on the flipside of those things though, i got pissed off with somebody. and worse, that somebody is actually my very close friend. i got so disappointed of what he has said to me. yes i know, i had my fault, and i tried to apologize, but it seemed like he was ignoring me. and that's where i decided to just leave and say to myself, bahala ka na nga.

after that, he was trying to talk to me, but what the heck. of course i wouldn't talk to him like as if nothing happened. i know this feeling will pass, but not now. it just sucks that i didn't expect that this will happen, considering he's already like a brother to me. and it's making me feel bad now.

oh well. shit happens. blah.

i think i need to take painkillers by the way. been trying to work out for the past few days. i'm supposed to start gym tomorrow but i still have this plate to work on first.

dear, thanks for staying with me whole night... i really appreciate it. and also to jan mike, who's a great friend to me for around eight years now. :)

catching up

alright, since many of you have already been telling me to update this blog, might as well write a bit long one coz i think i won't be back pretty much soon after this. hahaha.

***

ON CHRISTMAS SEASON AND FAMILY

well, we're now on the last month of 2005. christmas season is fast approaching, and everyone should be celebrating and enjoying this. but as for me... erm, i dunno. i think this is gonna be a very different one, since it'll be my first time to eat noche buena, go to simbang gabi, light up firecrackers, and do all those holiday stuff... without my whole family. dramatic, yet true.

there's only five of us left here in metro, actually. it's gonna be new to them too coz my tito's also not around now. got separated with my tita and cousin, here with me. and of course, my lolo and lola.

before, there were nine of us. but now, it's down to five. i'm sure we're still gonna have fun, but of course, the realization that our folks are not around anymore now will surely hit us.

another thing, we visited my kuya at the cemetery last all souls' day, and i felt so bad that time coz the family wasn't complete around him anymore. at least i was there beside his grave, and i started talking to him like i haven't done before. i had flashbacks then that my ate would start the prayer and my mom would start talking to kuya. but now...

and then, i've been having some communication problems with my family, that my mom had told me once that i'm not making an effort to contact them or whatever. yes it's my fault, but please, don't rub it in. i know it's just that y'all miss me, and i miss you all too. i felt so bad that time coz i was so excited to talk to them and those were the first words that i got from them. sorry if i'm being effortless... maybe it's just that i'm so busy, or i don't feel like calling coz it'll just make me feel more sad coz all of them are not with me...

ON SCHOOL AND FRIENDS

anyway, past november was spent doing nothing but school work, school work, and more school work. i'm enrolled again for this semester with 18 units, with almost all of them on third year subjects. yup, i'm back on the track, but now it's weird coz my batchmates are not my classmates anymore... i dunno, but i can't help but feel so bad about it. the feeling of walking alone on the corridors, passing by a room and seeing all my batchmates and friends (especially kabarkadas) all in one room... it really sucks big time. i must admit, there were times that i really did try to detach myself from them so that it'd be easier for me to accept what's happening, but i just can't. and up to now, though i've been trying to ignore that feeling, it's still getting me.

i've already told some of my friends about this, and all of them told me that it's gonna be fine. yeah, i know it will be, i just have to wait for that to happen.

on the other hand, i'm thankful that i have many friends who welcomed me on the '03 batch. among them all are saku, jb, jika, agnes, xtian, jr, mary... mostly AF peeps. of course i'm also in the process now of meeting and gaining new more friends, and i'm hoping that time comes that i'll be close to them.

i told jb once about how bad i feel about getting "left behind", and he told me this: "isipin mo na lang, at least close ka pa rin sa kanila kahit di mo na sila nakakasama. tingnan mo 'yung iba, malayo lang ng sandali, mawawala na."

yeah, he's right. i'm glad that i'm still close to them, but i think it's slowly fading... well, maybe except for pat whom i'm getting close to just now and lozzie who's still constantly contacting me wherever i am. as for my other friends, i don't have much chances of hanging-out with them as frequently as before. what's worse is that whenever i run into them talking in groups, i couldn't relate to them at some point, so obviously, i'd just keep my mouth shut and try to relate... or just simply walk away.

sheesh. sorry if i've been dwelling on this too much. it's just that i'm very attached to them, that i'm having a hard time accepting some things. though i still see them, all i can do now is just say hi and hello. i'm starting to miss them... so badly.

ON HEART MATTERS

if you guys still don't know, yeah i have a girlfriend now. :) we're turning two months on the sixth, and all i can say is that i'm happy with her. heehee. i've never felt this way before. there were some bumps on the road, but it's all good. i'm glad that we still manage to work on this amidst the tiring and busy skeds of arki life.

oh yeah, i'm not a cradle snatcher, nor a child abuser. hahaha. her being just 17 doesn't mean that i'm a bad and naughty person, right? :P c'mon guys, please cooperate with me and just say yes!

ON UP ARKI FORUM

honestly, i realized that i'm so glad that leni decided to appoint me as the secretary of UP Arki Forum. i love working with all of them coz it's so fun, and at the same time i've been spending a lot of time and moments with them. being in service for an org that i love and seeing all the success after pouring lots of effort on the projects are so fulfilling for me. i'm loving AF more and more, coz it's my family in arki. :)

two events for AF happened this past november: induction party and puerto galera!!! hehe. induction was last november 18-19, while galera took place last 26th and 27th. both of them were so fun, and i've never enjoyed my college life like this before.

this past induction has been the best one for me yet since i joined AF. it was an overnight deal in an antipolo house, so far yet worth it. the whole night was spent partying, eating, drinking till people go crazy, watching scary dvds (haha!), teasing and joking around, and lots more. it was a fun-filled night as we welcomed the new members with a nice greeting and... haha. you guys know what i'm saying, right? can't write it down coz the not-yet-inducted-new-mems might read this! haha. :P

and galera? it was the first time of almost all of us (there were ten of us by the way: leni, anj, anna, noel, foom, lex, xtian, jika, pat and i) so it was very exciting. what sucked though is that i've spent too much money there, but at least it was hell worth it. all of us really had a good time!

pics will follow soon. hopefully! heehee.

***

okay, so that was my emotional roller coaster. my high points and low points. well, that's life. sometimes you're up, and sometimes down.

gotta go and get some sleep now. Arkaira Acoustikaboomers Night later. we'll be performing lotsa songs. please watch y'all! :)